A Perfect Passion

Season 1 Episode 4 – “The Audition”

Kiss Her I’m Famous episode 4 Jen and Mandy create a casting call ad

Kiss Her I’m Famous follows two down-and-out best friends as they look for fame in all the wrong places. Their plan? A celebrity sex tape to catapult the into the limelight.

Warning – some spoilers and candid thoughts ahead in our recapaview for episode 4

So, the question on my mind is, where’s that pesky package?

I am quickly diverted from my question as the episode opens with Mandy and Jen working on the “job” description / casting call for the person to play opposite Mandy. Jen asks a question that I have been asked by a number of straight friends, so I can vouch that at some point many get that particular thought about what lesbians use when having the how the boyfriend/girlfriend measures up discussion (what body part do you use to compare, discuss among yourselves). This is followed by a laugh-out-loud moment when Mandy utters the line, complete with the important limp wrist flop movement, “I just remember hooking up with him and it was like this and cold.” (the bonus wrist/arm action sells the line)

Jen gives Mandy a pep talk about the tape bringing money, fame, DVD deals and… an appearance on Ellen (I am with Mandy that I would love to be on Ellen, she rocks and deserves in a place of the sex-tape rewards.. hmm did that sound right?). Then she continues to pump Mandy up by telling her she has made an appointment for Mandy with a stylist named Santa (I will be good and not dare utter a single pun or bad joke here). And I think Mandy’s whispered words, “You make no sense.” directed to her friend just catches the essence that is Jen.

So next we see Jen’s package… ok no we don’t, (where is that package). What we do see is a short montage of Mandy as she is beautified by Santa (as mentioned before I am a sucker for a montage and this is a little too short, but still delivers). I also want to know just where does Jen find/meet these people? They head back to the apartment and a little moment begins to develop between the two. The surge of tension that begins to develop is stopped as the computer beeps pulling Jen away in anticipation of answers to their casting call ad.

They find many answers filling their inbox. The claim in the episode tagline is these are real auditions, which did hook me in a bit. After watching them, I wonder just how many the webseries creator’s received and had to review (and this sequence also reaffirmed that wonderful song from Avenue Q, “The Internet is for Porn”). Of the auditions they shared, Cleopatra is my favorite (not sure if it was the “oops” demonstration or the assurance of real assets and “No silicone over here honey”, that won me over). Although, sweet, innocent and bubbly (oh sorry I meant bondage, choking, spanking) did come in a close second. So, now we are left with the big question… Where is that package… no, sorry, so, who will win the coveted role opposite Mandy?

Oh and as an end note (and especially for ralst as you need some craigslist-edumacation) – check out the stuff people post on craigslist (I like to review this list from time to time when I need to remind myself people are weird and that’s what makes the world go ’round). – http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

jojo

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We open with Jen eating cereal in the manner of a pre-teen and Mandy worrying that milk and soggy cereal bits will invade her precious laptop. Thus re-establishing their Odd Couple credentials, before quickly moving on to the subject of this particular episode, the sex-tape auditions.

Jen wants to make sure that if it’s a guy, he’s got a big thingie, whereas Mandy just wants to make sure it’s a girl. Seeing as Mandy will have to be the one to get up-close and personal with her co-star I think she should get the deciding vote on this one, but I’m also wondering if they’ve done any research on the merits of straight verses lesbian sex-tapes, in regard to the future careers, which probably just means I should stop thinking and hit ‘play’.

Mandy points out that a celebrity sex-tape, without a celebrity, is just porn – then how do you explain furball and French lady? – so of course Jen decides that the easy fix is to state in their ad that those auditioning need to be celebrities. I don’t exactly know what craigslist is, although I’ve heard it referenced in a number of films, but I’m kinda doubting it’s perused on a daily basis by celebrities wanting to get involved in amateur porn. I could be wrong.

Mandy is still worrying, but Jen is convinced that their sex-tape will catapult them to stardom, and a guess shot on Ellen, which does at least pique Mandy’s interest. The real issue, however, is that Mandy doesn’t believe she’s sexy enough, which Jen thinks is complete rubbish, but she’s booked her an appointment with a stylist anyway.

The stylist’s name is Santa – no, not that one – and apparently you have to put on make-up and spruce yourself up before you go see him to be spruced up once again. It seems a little arse about face to me, but I’ve never been to a stylist, so what do I know?

Santa takes one look at Mandy and decides that she’s going to need a lot of work – nice – leading in to the make-over montage, that includes my favourite shot of the episode: Santa pulling Mandy’s cheeks apart so it looks like she’s eaten a ruler. It also includes shots of Santa cutting Mandy’s hair, and if that’s anything to go by, do not, and I repeat, do not, let this man cut your hair (I accidentally typed his name as Satan in that sentence, that’s how appalled I was at his scissors technique).

The make-over complete, Mandy looks pretty much like she did before, only with redder lipstick, but everyone on screen seems to think there’s been a wonderful transformation and she’s now beautiful. I’m not sure if this means we’re meant to think she didn’t look beautiful before, because I was a fan of the messy, pulled-back hair look, so that doesn’t really cut it.

Mandy is still unsure of her sex appeal, so Jen once again reassures her, and even looks like she’s leaning in for a kiss, before rushing off to see the responses to their craigslist sex-tape-auditions ad. There are a lot and, according to the little blurb beneath the video, they’re real.

This is where the prude in me steps up and demands to know ‘who in their right mind would want to be on a sex-tape?’. I can’t even bring myself to use video conferencing, so the idea of performing a sex act, with a stranger, in front of a camera fills me with absolute horror. Maybe I’m in the minority and we should run a poll… Or not.

ralst